The True Meaning of Trauma Bonding

Despite popular usage of the term, trauma bonding does not refer to two people sharing their trauma experiences and drawing closer to each other because of their vulnerability.

Trauma bonding is the phenomenon in which a perpetrator of violence (the abuser), controls, manipulates, and further terrorizes the person they are abusing (the victim). A trauma bond is an unhealthy and unsafe emotional attachment to the abuser, and it is the vessel in which the abuser continues to cause harm. Trauma bonds are created slowly and over time with the continuation of escalating abuse. Abusers take advantage of the connection (trauma bond) that is formed and further manipulate the relationship dynamic.

Some of the main components of a trauma bond include unpredictably, giving and then taking away or denying affection, love, and support, and a continued power imbalance used to exploit the vulnerabilities of the victim.

Trauma bonding is a term that is used to describe the manipulative practices of the abuser. When we are talking about sharing our painful experiences in a safe and healthy relationship with someone (like a friendship), we are talking about mutual sharing and reciprocity.

Knowing what trauma bonding is can help you identify whether this is part of your story, and can also give you new language to describe your experience.