Help! I Can’t Stick to My Own Boundaries

I see a boundary as a distinctive line between two people. It separates the physical space, feelings, desires, needs, and responsibilities from other people. Boundaries are markers of what is acceptable to us in terms of how we are treated, and helps others recognize our limits. I believe that learning to set boundaries is 50% of the work, and the other 50% is upholding them ourselves.

Setting boundaries, especially with loved ones, can feel quite uncomfortable. Our first go at setting a boundary can make us feel guilty, ashamed, and sometimes cruel. When we allow ourselves to see that boundaries are healthy for both people involved, yourself and the person you are setting the boundary with, we can find them to be more palatable and easier to enforce. It takes time, but it is possible.

In order to overcome our guilt around boundary setting, we must first look at the reasons why we are feeling this way. Do we think we are being unfair? Do we feel like we are pushing someone away? Have we convinced ourselves we are not a good friend, partner, daughter/son, mother/father if we set a boundary? Getting to the root of our emotional response can set us free and allow us to set healthy boundaries, and stick with them.

It is possible to overcome guilt and shame associated with boundary setting. With practice, we can learn the importance sticking to our boundaries, how to do it in every day life confidently, and learn ways to communicate them to others without holding onto emotions that make us hesitant.